Routine

I am sorry for my lack of recent posts. I woke up at 3 am this week and couldn't move. Really. Then Justin started crying and I had to wake Randy and tell him that he needed to get Justin and then get me. I wasn't sure I could get up, much less pick up Justin or even drive to the chiropractor to get fixed. By morning I felt a bit better and I could get up, but not much else. It was definitely a sweat pants day! I spent a lot of time on the couch laying on the heating pad, but not much else. Fortunately, it was a day we didn't have therapy, but I don't feel like our schedule allows for much "wiggle room", and that just reinforced what I had been thinking.


I am struggling a bit with having a routine. Or not having a routine. Or sometimes wanting a routine and then fighting the constraints of the routine. We have therapy either 3 or 4 times a week, and I am trying to get back to the gym, and I work a couple of days a week. And I want to have some playdates, or do some shopping at places other than the grocery store or Wal-mart. And then there's the regular things like cleaning, laundry, ironing, and cooking meals. I am not sure how to make it all happen. If I cut back on therapy, will I compromise Justin's progress? (Which of course may happen anyway when we get hit with the "medical necessity" clause in our insurance contract.) I want to be a homemaker like God wants me to be, but I also want to plan a great birthday party for Travis when he hits the big 3! I want to contribute to the family (work) but I also want to spend time as a family, with all four of us. The only day that happens now is Sunday, and we have church all morning and small group at night. That leaves nap time that we are together. I don't think sleeping counts as being together!

Is it just a phase that I need to accept and know that it will change as the boys grow? Or is it important to establish the family time and the priority early? I am not certain. I guess it's really just the working mom/stay-at-home mom controversy, with a few more complications.

In some ways for me it boils down to trust. Do I trust that God will do what he promises to do? (Take care of me.) What is my response to that promise? And what does trust look like? Is trusting mean that he will make it possible for me to work? Or do I let go of that safety net and fall into God's arms and let him carry me? I always have more questions than answers. I pray that God will make it clear. Every time I feel like it's time to let go of work, something happens that makes it easier for me to keep going. Now it's just the weeks that are hard. I just thank God for making Travis the way he did. He loves going to therapy and when it's not a therapy day, he is sad. I have amazing friends who take Travis to play and he happily goes with them. I just want the best for my family. I don't want to settle for good, and the best is being in line with God's plan. It's just sometimes hard to hear what God is saying when what I want is screaming in my head!