More Than, Less Than

A couple of things got me to thinking this week. One was a friend's post about her child being 9 months old and thus his milestone of being on the outside more than on the inside. The other was at work someone asking me how long I have spoken Spanish. Eeks! I have known/spoken Spanish longer than I haven't! (Now might be a good time to explain that sometimes my thought trails are difficult to follow, so I apologize in advance.) I then thought about the other things that I have known/done for longer than not in my life, like driving a car. At 16, 32 seemed SO far away! And then I thought about my sweet friends, who have waited so very long to adopt a child, and now they have had their precious little girl for longer than her birth mother. And my grandmother, who has spent more of her life without her son Tom, than with him. And some of my friends who will be without one or both parents for longer than they had them. I am hoping there is a day when I am a mother for more time than not.


I look forward with anticipation the day I can say I have been married longer than not. When I got married I thought about how great it would be to be married: setting up our home and cooking for Randy and saying, "This is my HUSBAND, Randy." And I thought about how great it would be to grow old together and sit on a porch in rocking chairs and watch the sun set. I did not give much thought to the between time. How do we get from setting up our home to sitting in rocking chairs? If I don't consider that part, there won't BE any rocking chairs! I didn't consider the job losses, the deaths in the family, the tough financial times, the ups and downs of raising kids, and countless other aspects of the in-between. That is where I have to spend my time and work at the marriage to make it last. I look forward to the "more than", but I know that I can't just wait for it to happen. If the years pass without notice, I will come up short on the other end, and I desperately do not want that to happen.


Then I thought about the years that I have been a Christian. Already I have been a Christian for more years of my life than not. What difference has being a Christian meant for all these years? Some years, not a whole lot. And others...only a little bit. In fact, there haven't been many years that I have grown toward Christlikeness the way I feel like I should have. I want to be a better wife every day, and certainly a better mother. But some days I don't even WANT to be a better Christian. I am so easily settled into my place of comfort and I am happy there. I am so easily complacent. So I am thankful for those times of discomfort and unrest, because they remind me not to settle. Even if it would be easier.


Through it all, I am so thankful that God is patient with me! I pray I have many more years to grow in my roles. But more importantly, I pray that each day takes me closer to God's perfect picture for me. I ask for his strength to get me through each day, without worry about tomorrow. SO HARD! But I am so glad he shows his faithfulness again and again. One of these days, I will get it!