Perfection

I prayed for a healthy baby when I was pregnant. Don't we all? I didn't know what the sex of the baby would be, but I wanted him to be healthy. I struggled a bit with how God answered my prayer: Was it yes or no? Really, Justin is amazingly healthy for having DS. Even before heart surgery there was little outward evidence of a problem. And he did not have any ear infections his first year. But is he healthy? I have been learning some of Justin's idiosyncrasies and I think it is a reasonable assumption that nothing in Justin's body works exactly the way it should. But God allows for amazing adaptation and compensation. And we are learning together. I am so thankful that God has surrounded us with many brilliant people who have helped us brainstorm ideas and work through problems.

When I was in college I read a book called A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Van Auken. It is the autobiographical story of Sheldon and his wife, Davy and their friendship with C.S. Lewis. Lewis was influential in the couple's conversion to Christianity, first Davy and then Sheldon. Davy grew mysteriously sick and died and Sheldon wrote many letters to Lewis in his grief. Lewis wrote, "One way or another, the thing [romantic love] had to die. Perpetual springtime is not allowed. You were not cutting the wood of life according to the grain. There are various possible ways in which it could have died though both the parties went on living. You have been treated with a severe mercy. You have been brought to see... that you were jealous of God." In some ways I consider Justin my severe mercy. Since his birth I have been awed by the ways that God works. I allowed myself to be stagnant and satisfied and that was not what God wanted for me. I was blind to his call. I have been amazed by God's character. God reaches out to me through Justin and I want to reach back.

One thing that I can definitely say is that I long for heaven in a new way. I have been content on earth. It is familiar and mostly pleasant. But having my world turned over and then experiencing the awesome power and comfort of God has made me much bolder to ask, "Lord, please come quickly!" Knowing God and trusting him makes heaven so much sweeter and better than the shadows we know on earth. And heaven promises healing. I think that the same way God said, "It is good" when he made me or Travis, he said when he made Justin. He is God's perfect earthly Justin. He is perfectly formed to be and do the tasks that God has planned for him on this earth. Without DS, it wouldn't be right. But heaven, it's completely different. I wonder what that will look like, but I know without a doubt that it will be even better. And so there is my answer, not yes, not no, but later. That is perfection.