Down Syndrome Awareness Month #2

So, given all that mumbo jumbo about the different kinds of DS, what it really comes down to is what will my child be like? What challenges will I face? What should I expect? That was what really mattered to Randy and me when we learned about Justin. But we didn't get much of an answer. The geneticist said that they couldn't give us a realistic projection of his ability until he is 2 years old. So for a long time I struggled with if I was doing things right, or if I was doing him some sort of irreparable harm. I kind of felt like I had 2 years to do all I could and then my sphere of influence would be over and I would be left to let him do and be. Like pushing someone on a bicycle and then letting go to see how far he could make it on his own. Except, I feared, that I wouldn't be able to teach him how to ride the bicycle, and then the bike would stop and there would be nothing available to get his momentum going again. So I decided that I needed to find a big hill and spend the 2 years pushing him up the hill so he could spend the rest of his life coasting down the hill. The problem was that I got tired. Very quickly.

I guess it made me realize that there may be some "magic" mark of 2 years that will make it easier for doctors to guess his future potential, but that's all it will be, a guess. And I will still be his mother after he is 2. And after he is 12, and 22. And I will be behind that bicycle as long as he needs me, or as long as he will let me. I am not quite sure which will come first.

But Justin is so much more like other kids than I ever dreamed possible that first day that we got his diagnosis. He has the same needs, the same wants, and the same feelings. He wants his mommy the same way Travis does. (Often at the same time as Travis does!) He gets into things he shouldn't the same way Travis does. He is ornery the same way Travis is. I never thought to ask about Travis' future potential when he was born, or what challenges we would face, or what to expect. I never had that urge to know it all when Travis was born because I knew that no one could give me those answers, yet somehow I expected the doctors to be able to do that with Justin. I cannot say that I accept sitting back and enjoying the ride all the time, but now I am much more relaxed and willing to let things go, trusting my mother's intuition more, and believing that the doctors don't always know more than I do. I won't tell them that though.