I Knew It Was Coming

This summer has been filled with lots of different camps and activities out of our normal routine.  That also meant new friends and acquaintances for our family.  New people for Justin.  Last summer was my first real experience with leaving Justin with new people and without Travis.  That was really difficult for me.  It was a Vacation Bible School at a different church, and while there were lots of kids from our church, it wasn't our church.  I struggled with leaving him or not, and in the end he had a great time. 

So we went back this year and he had fun, but I didn't.  Four-years-olds are pretty much all potty trained.  Not Justin.  He would go to the bathroom right before I dropped him off and his clothes would be wet when I picked him up.  No one ever took him to the bathroom or changed him because they don't know him.  His diapers cannot hold it all anymore and no amount of explaining, cajoling, encouraging or pleading will get him to tell me when he has to go.  He can be mommy-trained, and I can force him to sit on the potty and he will go eventually and he will be dry all day, but he cannot take charge of it himself.

So frustrating.

The last straw was this past weekend at the Home School Conference.  He and Travis participated in the Kids' Program along with about 500 other kids.  Pure craziness, but also loads of fun.  It lasted all day, from 9-5.  We just picked them up for an hour to feed them lunch.  When I dropped them off in the morning I explained about Justin not being potty trained and offered to come back whenever he needed changing so as not to interrupt their activities.  They said no, they would be fine, just leave his diaper bag with them.  So we did (along with an extra set of clothes, just in case...)  When we picked them up at lunch, Justin was dry, they said they hadn't changed him and he wouldn't go potty for us either before or after lunch.  Strange.  So back they went after lunch and when I picked them up at the end of the day, Justin was wearing his spare set of clothes.  As we left the room we were pulled aside and one of the program directors said that there had been a problem with Justin.  They had taken him to the bathroom 15-20 times during the day and with only 2 leaders for the group of 15 kids that was really tough on the one left with the rest of the kids all day.  Of course!  So then they wanted to know what they could do differently the next day.  I was stumped.  Really.  I had no idea what had gone on but I didn't want Justin to be a problem.  That's the biggest struggle: sheltering him too much vs. requiring too many extra accommodations for him.  I don't want to make things hard for other people.

I was so upset.  I cannot even express how much I was hurt that they had waited the entire day to tell me there was a problem.  I considered not taking Justin the second day.  I considered leaving early.  I considered going up every hour to take him to the bathroom myself.  I did not sleep much that night.

The next day they had combined two groups making it extra large, but then having four leaders for the entire group.  I cringed when I saw that.  I felt terrible.  I asked them not to wait until the end of the day and to call me if Justin was a problem. I spent all day checking my phone to see if they were calling.  He was wearing his extra clothes at lunchtime and my heart sank.  I told him we had to go home if he had another accident because I didn't have more clothes. We made it through the afternoon and then when the kids did their performance, Justin was nowhere to be seen in the group.  We looked back in the other room where they had been and still no Justin.  Finally Randy asked someone and they said he had fallen asleep during rest time and he was in another room with a couple leaders.  When we went to pick him up the leader (who was holding him) said, "Your son is so sweet and precious!"  It was all I could do not to break down and cry!  He is sweet and precious and he also is stubborn and willful.  Such conflicting emotions.

We have tried everything I know to try to potty train.  We have done rewards, we have used examples and encouragement from Travis, we have tried naked days, we have done the regular timed potty breaks.  And he can do it just fine.  He goes potty before bath every night with no prompting. He just cannot make that connection to choose to go himself.

So with all of this being said, I decided that we cannot go any longer without forcing potty training.  I know that you really cannot force it, but Justin can do it: he can hold it and he can put it on the potty, he just won't do it himself.  So there is a training method described by Bridget Murphy that I was hoping would make the connection for Justin.  It's supposed to take only four days.  We are on Day 5 and we still have not mastered Day 1.  It involves making Justin responsible for cleaning up his messes with the hope that he won't want to make messes so then he will go in the potty.  Very good theory.  I have done a whole lot of laundry and suffice it to say that MacDonald's will not be inviting us back any time soon.  Very bad day.  So bad we had to get new straps for Justin's orthotics.  Very, very bad. 

I have seen little tiny glimmers of hope but I am not sure if I should keep going or just give up.  I feel like all I am doing is yelling at Justin these days and I do not want to do that!  But I want this part of Justin's education to be done.  I know God made all phases with good and bad parts so we would enjoy them but not be sad when they passed.  There is no good in diapers!  I feel like such a loser, especially with so many younger kids potty trained now.  Why do parents hang their self-worth on their kids' accomplishments?  Hard not to.  I have been over-thinking this whole thing to the point of nothing making any sense.  All I know is that I love this little guy!