I mention this not because I have been wrestling with preferential thoughts myself, but because I have been feeling the tug of limited resources. Families have limited resources and they must be doled out to the children as needed. But the giving of limited resources necessarily deprives another. I fear this screams preference and this is just another example of how I am scarring my children.
I remember when reality television was just coming into popularity and a show about extreme makeovers was "must-see TV". There was a woman who had been raised in a family with one sister. Both girls had horrible teeth and needed braces desperately. The family could only afford one set of braces and somehow (I don't remember the circumstances) the other sister was chosen. The woman on this makeover show had awful teeth. So crooked that she never smiled. As a part of the show she got her teeth completely fixed and in the end she looked amazing. I remember the tears she shed when her new smile was revealed. She could not stop smiling! How much pain ran through that family because of that choice. On both sides. Guilt for having been chosen and pain for having not. Was there a preference there? The family's limited resources were allotted and there could be only one beauty. I don't know what I would have done. Not give either girl what was needed? Such a difficult choice.
That's the position I feel like I am in. I may have mentioned once or twice about the DeCarlo sleep gene. The one we are missing. So poor Alaina doesn't sleep well much of anywhere but her bed (if there) and we are gone from the house for most of the morning four days a week. That leaves only three days in our regular schedule for her to get a morning nap at home. Usually it is snatches here and there and she is beside herself she is so tired. If no one is in the waiting room at therapy I turn off the light and that helps her calm down, but she still only naps for 20 minutes at best.
So my choices are: give Alaina the sleep she needs or give Justin the therapy he needs.
It's just about the time. There is only time for one or the other. I know it's only about a year until she drops that morning nap, but there is a reason kids get two naps that first year - they need them! And it's amazingly difficult to get therapy these days. The waiting lists can be up to 50-100 people long! And we have a great schedule that I hate to give up. So does that mean I prefer Justin because I am alotting him the time for his needs rather than Alaina?
I really prayed that Alaina would be a sleeper. A sound sleeper. An anywhere sleeper. Not after Day 6 or so. Not so much.
So I am left with this choice. Will not getting the sleep she needs stunt her growth or development? I posed this question to Randy and he said, "Well, the reverse was not true for you so I guess it doesn't." That was mean. So I asked my sister and she said that there are tons of studies that try to claim connections between certain actions and future problems but there is probably no one thing that would be definitively damaging. Great, so my husband thinks I am stunted and while I may not have sealed the coffin on Alaina's fate, I probably put in the first nail!
Arrgg!
I admit I overthink everything. Some days the napping thing works out okay somehow but other days I feel the stress creeping up my back and anchoring itself firmly on my shoulders. I assuage it by reminding myself that it's only another year. In the length of our children's lives this is nothing. I can get through it. And we are all in this together. At least my kids will know that I am human and I make mistakes. I like to cement that in their brains early.
Do you have any opinions?
2 comments:
For what it is worth, I think keep on truckin as you are. Justin going to therapy is a scheduled thing of another person's time, and you like the schedule. While I'm also big on kids getting their sleep, more times than I can count I've come home from something for "nap time" only to have the child fight it the whole time and never nap anyway. Therapy seems to be going well. I think there might be many days that if you stayed home you'd have the double whammy of Justin not getting therapy and Alaina not cooperating for a nap. That is just my two cents, your mommy sanity is worth a lot more! I think you are doing a fabulous job.
Thanks Wendy, that does help. You're right, I hadn't thought about the times that naps don't go well. That would send me reeling another way! Therapy is going well. And everyone is so good with justin. I know that if I just couldn't make it one day they would totally understand. I think I will keep on trucking for a litle while at least. Then I'll get back to you for another reminder of why I am doing this!
Post a Comment