Community

Last fall our church rolled out a new vision statement that focuses on the community and our responsibility to the people around us.  After the DS meeting in January I began thinking more about that idea and my role in the community.  For the past two months it has has been rolling around in my head.  God has taken this in so many different directions that it has been difficult for me to understand.  I am still not sure that the process is complete, but at least I am beginning to grasp what God is trying to get me to understand.

We all live in community.  Not just one community, but a variety of groups that consume differing amounts of time and energy.  That's what has been my focus: time and energy expenditures.   We each only have a limited amount of each and I want to spend each in the best way possible.  The way that honors and pleases God.  I have learned that "good" things aren't necessarily what God wants me to do.  The time that "good" things consume may be at the loss of "better" things, or worse, the "best" things.  It's a process though, to move from "good" to "best".  I don't think God stops me from doing "good" things, but he nudges me onward when it's time to go to the next step.

I really wanted to feel connected to this group.  I cannot explain how much I wanted this for our family.  All of our previous contacts with the DS group in our area have been through the main offices and meetings at the building, which is just too far for us to drive on a consistent basis.  I wanted to spend some energy on this group since it is closer and it feels like I can be more involved.  I wanted to be a part of this community in a more personal way.  But it just didn't seem right.  I asked another DS mom if she wanted to come with us to this group and she said that she had stopped going to meetings because she left the meetings more discouraged than when she arrived.  It made me want to cry because that's exactly what I felt!  I needed to talk to her and ask her why we felt that way because I didn't get it.  I wanted her to tell me what I was feeling because I wasn't sure what or why I was feeling.  It seemed at least like a "better" thing!  But she helped me clarify my thoughts and explain that there is also an aspect of timing in the "good"/"better"/"best" process.  I have never been very patient (don't laugh out loud if you are reading this and you know me that well!) and when something comes up I am ready to jump in with both feet.  This might just be a "wait" kind of thing.

It has taken a while for me to be okay with this.  Because of this inner conflict I have begun to examine the other "communities" in my life, the things that consume time and energy, and it's made me think long and hard about what I do.  I heard once of a women's minister quitting her job, that she did very well, because she realized that she was getting more satisfaction from her job than caring for her family at home.  She had young children who needed her, and she was giving her "best" time to something God called "good" and neglecting her "best" calling at home.  So I am thinking, is that what I am doing in some areas?  I quit going to Bible Study last fall because it is a major commitment of time for my family.  I say "my family" because it takes all of us to get me there.  The planning and organizing begins the night before and even though Randy doesn't physically assist in preparations, he is left to fend for himself so I can make lunches and pack all the bags necessary to make it through all of our stops before we finally make it back home for nap.  It almost feels like my day is half over by the time I collapse in the chair and attempt some level of discussion in Bible Study.  And when I overheard Travis say "Mommy is always in a hurry" it broke my heart.  I felt like I was neglecting the "best" (my family) for "better" (bible study) or maybe even just "good".  I have heard over and over that "your family is your mission" and I can be confident that no matter how many other things come up, if it takes too much away from the family, I know that it is not the "best" thing for me.

Today at therapy when we walked in the door of the office building a man was walking out with a large piece of drywall.  I went back and held the door open for him because it was clear that there was no way he was getting out without major effort.  We continued up to the therapy office and I left the kids in the waiting area while I ran next door to the bathroom.  (We are all friends at therapy!)  When I came out, one of the mothers was waiting to go down the elevator and she stopped me and said, "I just have to tell you what a wonderful boy you have!  He jumped up and held the door open for me and my stroller and he was so polite."  She raved about Travis and asked how old he is.  She was very impressed that a five-year-old would do something like that.  It was a proud mama moment, but I wasn't surprised.  That's the kind of thing that comes from time together.  I don't want to lose that on someone else.  Not because someone else isn't worthy, but because God lent Justin and Travis to Randy and me and after God and Randy, those boys are supposed to be my next priority.  How I decide to make that work is the challenge.  Thank God he promises to help me!

It's an issue every day.  Some days go better than others.  But that's when I thank God for grace and another chance the next day.  I am trying to slow down.  Travis is trying to speed up, and so is Justin!  That makes me smile.  God is so good!